So for everyone who does not know, Erinn is one of my best friends and was my college room mate. We share everything, apparently we even share heartbreak. Here is a little backstory: her boyfriend of two years broke up with her the day before finals started. Needless to say, it was not a pretty sight after that, and she was inconsolable for a bit before things started to pick up. My boy broke up with me, get this, the day before graduation...
Men have not proved to be gentlemen to either of us yet, but we are still young so who knows whats ahead for us...
Here is Erinn's anecdote for heartbreak.
Guide to Getting Over Being Dumped and Getting Back to Being the Bad Betch You Are
I'm sure many people have been there. You are in a 2 year relationship with your college boyfriend. By this time, you are sitting in your bed on a nightly basis with him in a gross t-shirt and shorts, eating mcdonald's chicken nuggets while you watch each other play the next level on your favorite iphone game. True love. This seems like the life, having already planned what your kid's names will be (okay, they were william and james and they were gonna be toddlers wearing bowties who had a baby bulldog puppy). um...okay yea... well moving on...
Then one day, a fight breaks out between you two and your boyfriend decides he's had it. He wants to "live his own life and find himself", not wanting to have to be attached to anyone anymore (oookay?) And before you know it, you are laying on your roommate/best friend's dorm room floor crying into the carpet that you will never find anyone else better than mcnugget guy and you would rather lay out in the middle of highway to be run over than be alone without him...and you do this for multiple days.
Yes, it sucks. It feels as if your entire world is ruined and that things will never feel okay again. You think your heart has been ripped out and stomped on and all you want to do is watch those sad ASPCA commercials for the rest of your life (*cue arms of angel*) and in thinking about those ASPCA commercials, you now start to believe your new life is going to be in your basement caring for a slew of grimey cats until you are old and ugly and then it doesn't matter anyway.
Follow these steps to help keep you out of that basement with all of those cats. These are the steps I wish I followed sooner.
1) Surround yourself with friends.
Not just anyone, but those friends that will force you to watch stupid movies, stuff your face with dairy queen, and let you get sloppy drunk so you can creepily wink and stalk the super hot bartender at a beach daquiri bar and throw dollar bills into his tip jar like he is a stripper ( Shoutout to brian the bartender, keep doin what you doin!). Also, get in touch with all of those friends that you may have neglected when you were with your boyfriend. No matter what, they will be there for you.
2) Do not put on sweats! No. Do not be like me and wear the same shorts and t-shirt for 3 days. Nobody wants to see that. Bathe (even if that means crying in the fetal position in the shower) , put on your prettiest makeup, fix your hair, and wear your cutest clothes. Be hot, because you are hot.
3) Make a list of all of the things you disliked about your ex and your relationship..."He liked to knit...he liked to knit?!??...is that normal?" "His fingernails were dirty?..why were they like that?...ew."
4) Get excited about flirting, meeting some super hot men (the mature, won't play iphone virtual aquarium while on a lunch date with you type) and having the possibility of meeting someone better for you. Put on some bad betch dance music (yonce is a personal fave) and get ready to be a hot commodity if you are willing to put yourself out there.
5) DO NOT ( and i mean it even though I did it *cough* still do it *cough*) creep on your ex on social media. They aren't as amazing as you, and they never will be and it will not change 60 seconds after you last checked. Why should you care if he's at the beach with that weird girl who used to stalk him when you were dating?... if he wants that, let him go ahead and remember how much better you were.
6) Get a cool new hobby or distract yourself. I've decided to repaint and redecorate my bedroom. ( yes, I did spend 3 weeks binge watching bravo tv in said room before I decided to repaint). It is exciting and fulfilling to do something new. Who knows, maybe you will find some super cool hidden talent.
7) Keep on keeping on! Stay positive! You have the rest of your life ahead of you! You will be happy again and you will find someone new one day. He may be walking around outside right now. You will never know if you don't get out there in the world.
Love to all the bad betches ,
Erinn (who still loves to eat chicken mcnuggets. No man tarnishes my love for them. No man!)
Let me know what you ladies think!
until next time... xoxo J
Good advice that we all need to be reminded of! Sometimes it doesn't work-- but I guess the best cure-all for heartbreak is time. We all need to remind ourselves that it comes and goes in waves :)
ReplyDeleteGreat advice though x