As the year slowly is coming to an end, and my college career will be over. A mix of emotions rush through me every single day. The tornado of emotions starts ripping through me the moment my alarm goes off in the morning, and doesn't stop until I'm fast asleep... And even then the emotions can haunt me in my dreams.
I always set my alarm a few minutes early, and it's always set on a weird time like 7:38 instead of 7:45. But no matter what time my alarm goes off I still feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep. So maybe half of the time I'll hit the snooze button or even change my alarm to let me sleep another hour or so later. When I don't do that, I hop right out of bed because I'm thinking about next year. Thinking about how I won't have that luxury of sleeping in or setting my alarm for an hour later... instead I'll have to hop right out of bed around six and get going for the day or I'll be late for work. Then it hits me, sometimes I'll have to get to work early, thankfully reality sets back in and I remember I still have time before that happens and I take my time having my morning oatmeal and coffee.
working out...
As much as I don't feel like it. I do my best to head to the gym for six out of the seven days a week. Most of the time I'm not excited about going to the gym and have no urge to sprint and enjoy myself there. I must say, it is nice havig the flexible college schedule and being able to go pretty much any time I feel like it besides the two hours a day I have class. I usually try to go at times that aren't crowded, those peak times are from 4-6 in the afternoon. I do my best to go in the morning when I wake up or after lunch. Even though I moan and groan about going to the gym, I usually enjoy myself once I'm there and love sweating. It helps me distress for the most part and I actually end up writing the drafts for a majority of my posts while I'm on the stepper or bike. I might as well soak up the last few months of freedom I have before I have to go to the real world. The world where I'll have limited time to excercise, and the time I have to excercise I'm sure I'll make up excuses like I'm too tired or procrastinate at work to avoid the gym. But let's be real here, if I want to stay in shape I can't do that.
i'm supposed to balance life...
Ugh another annoying part about this whole tryin to balance my working out with my work is the fact that I'll have to pay to go to the gym. My entire life I've either been on a year round swim team where I've been forced to workout for at least two hours a day or i've been in college where I have the luxury of a state of the art billion dollar facility at my finger tips.
i have to pay to workout...
And after I graduate I'm expected to pay at least $50 a month to go to a crappy crowded gym? I don't think so. What other option do I have though? I could go to the classes I love like spinning and tabata at 360 spin in Montclair. But the downside of that is that the classes are so expensive. I could pay for a month membership at a time or pay for individual classes that don't expire. With both of those options I'm still limited to when the classes are being taught and have to make a commitment to the classes 12 hours in advance. Now please tell me, as a starting employee is there any way I'm not expected to work long hours? I think not. I'll probably be going to work early, leavig late and traveling a lot. So it looks like I'm stuck with the paying for a shitty crowded gym that has longer hours. So again, I'll enjoy the free nice gym for the last few weeks I have. Maybe I should try and get super skinny before I start working so I can avoid working out for as long as possible. Plus the gym is on of my favorite forms of procrastination from doing school work.
concepts of dating...
I will not be someone to tell you I love the dating life here... If you can even call it that. After four years of everyone getting shitty in dark hot frat basements, I'm over it. I'm not someone to just grab a guy my drunk goggles are telling me is a total babe and take him home with me. I'm over being hit on by the sleazy frat guys. So when I turned 21 and could go to bars, my eyes opened up to another world, especially after going to bars and clubs while abroad in Europe. I realized how much I'd rather have a conversation with people than be grinded up on by god knows who. Bar nights have been a much more fun part of college night life. Between the wasted college kids and the well, interesting locals, it's prime people watching time. I'd prefer to be the one doing the people watching even though I'm sure I've been a subject of it quite a few nights.
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| random night out at the local bar, good laughs with good friends. |
So what, i'm over the college scene because no one dates and the guys just want one night stands? Yeah well, someone please tell me, where will I have a life post college? Somehow everyone seems to figure it out, but every so often I'll find myself thinking about where the hell I'm going to find friends and a man!? I'll be living at home to save money so even if I wanted to get shitty every night that's not really an option since well i'll be at home. Realistically that will only be the situation for a year or less, but still!
finding a life...
I'm not even working in the city, which means I can't just go with coworkers or meet friends for drinks after work than take the train home. The more I think about it the more I start liking the fact that it's easy to have a life in college. So where is my life going to be, where am I going to meet people? As my mother so kindly pointed out, she met my dad at the gym. As great as that sounds, how much time am I really spending at the gym? Between work and trying to see my college friends it'll be tough. I'm sure I'll be taking the train into the city for a few nights every month and going to the local bars. It all just seems like so much effort. Not only is it a lot of effort to have a life past college, it seems like it may cost me here and there. At the end of the day who cares, just like everyone else I'll figure it out, I've made it this far haven't I?
distractions...
Aside from the gym, shopping has been a major distraction from schoolwork for me. Senioritis is really hitting hard at this point in the year. Just to emphasize that, I'm only taking three real classes and an independant study. My class schedule is a pure joke and my earliest class is Monday and Wednesday at 11 in the morning. Aside from that, I have a 2:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then my lovely capstone for three hours Wednesday afternoon. Realistically I should be getting my shit done and going out every night of the week. That would be happening if I decided to actually do my work instead of getting distracted with online shopping.
Ever since I signed my official job contract, i've been a little distracted. Besides mentally checking out because college did what it was supposed to do... get me a job. I also just can't seem to sit through my three hour capstone seriously when my professor wants to talk about the literature he's published on mediums and how his wife is a medium... Yes I know I go to a liberal arts school but were really going to discuss mediumship for three hours? How is that beneficial to my education besides opening my mind to new and different things? So during interesting classes like that I'll sit on Pinterest on my iPad. What a mistake that is. Let me tell you, within a fifteen minute period I've found about fifty things I've pinned into my "paycheck" board. The board started off with things I've wanted for a while like a Michelle watch, jewelry, and so on. Well that has turned into other things like more clothes, shoes and bags than I'll ever know what to do with.
Don't get me wrong, I've never gone without before in my entire life. It's just the fact that I'm making my own money for the first time in my life and I can think of so many ways to spend it. Pinterest isn't the only online death of me. Nordstroms, Pioerlime, Asos, designer websites and so many more websites are as well. I hope everyone that's already in the real world is right when they say after a few months i'll have everything I wanted and be over it. Living at home to save money for a year won't be a help at first, I'll be buying well what I'll call "staples" for my wardrobe at first and I'll have a car payment. Besides that I won't have to pay for anything like rent or food or laundry. I'm already dreading the day I get fed up with living at home and decide it's time to move to Hoboken. I really should give myself a spending allowance and save the rest for a place of my own.
For now, spending the money seems more fun than saving it. Yes I know I need to be responsible but everyone deserves to treat themselves at first. The responsibility factor will come after three months and I have to start making car payments and saving for my own place. How is anyone expected to do their school work when they have these sort of things to worry about? If anyone has any ideas of what to get with the first paycheck send them my way!
Second semester senior year, despite the worries and excitement, is pretty damn good. I actually think all colleges should implement a pass fail system for last semester senior year. Think about it. It would benefit the students and the school. The school wants their students to graduate on time and to have a job or grad school lined up for next year. The students want to have something lined up just as much as the schools want them to. Keeping that in mind having a pass fail semester would be great! It would give the students a breath of fresh air to be able to take more time on the job search as well as grad school entrance exams and applications. Not to mention it would help those out who already have their shit together by lessening the stress and letting us enjoy the last few months on this fake life we call college.
The last few acceptable months to have these as normal cups...
Even though this point in life is full of mystery and a mix of emotions, it's also so exciting. There's so much ahead and to look forward to! Enjoy every moment of it!
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